I want to be a warrior, not a worrier

"It's like when you're getting ready for a night out, you're rummaging through your wardrobe for the perfect outfit, yet everything you put on you worry about. "Does it look good enough?" "Does to cling to the parts I don't like?"
​and so on."

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If there's one thing I've always exceeded in since I can remember, it has to be worrying. I don't just mean I worry occasionally, I worry every single day about absolutely everything I possibly can. I know I'm not the only person in this world who always worries, which is why I want to share this with you.

Obviously for me, my anxiety probably plays a big part in this and I am aware of this. However I do feel that I am just a "worrier", just like you, your sister or whoever. If you can't think of a worrier, then it probably is you. Although everyone is different and some worry more than others, I want to enlighten you on how it feels to be the person who worries.

From my own perspective, me sharing what it feels like for me and I'm not saying everyone feels the same as me, because I can't speak for anyone but myself. I have good days and bad days, I think of it as waves that come crashing through unexpectedly.

For instance, I could be walking down the street in my own world minding my own business, when. I catch someone look at me in a funny way, I'll straight away panic and worry about what that person is thinking. Although I'm a huge believer in not caring what others think, sometimes the wave just kicks in, but I'd say that's just a small example and one that I'm slowly learning to overcome.

When this worrying starts to become a bigger problem, is probably when it come down to Mum. As you can imagine being her full-time carer, things can be tough. Things are not at the worst they could be, but that's expected, right now now she still has a little bit of independence and I have no intention of taking that away from her! Now she's doing a round of chemotherapy in tablet form, it's certainly stressful because she face's sickness more than we expected.

It works that she has a week on the tablet's and then a week off, this current week is an off week and she's not needing me so much. But the week before was pretty awful, I woke up several times to find her being sick or crying from pain. Now obviously no matter what, seeing your parent ill or crying is hard enough but normally you're not faced with knowing it's only going to get worse, much worse.

I've never faced cancer the way I have with my mum, of course everyone knows of someone with it, but for it to actually be in front of you for the first time, you haven't a clue on what to expect. You don't fully understand just how much worse it's going to get, it's all this terrifying unknown experience. But this is where most of my worry lies with unanswered questions, "How much worse?" "How much time do we have?" "Do we need to call a doctor?" "Is she more yellow today, compared to yesterday?" and so forth.

I mean let's be honest how do we know of these things? I sure as hell don't have a clue, so what do I do? Wing it, that's what, the only choice I have is to simply wing it and hope for the best. Today though, this isn't the focus, the focus is on worrying, I guess realistically worry and overthinking are more a less the same thing, they fall into the same category if you ask me.

It's like when you're getting ready for a night out, you're rummaging through your wardrobe for the perfect outfit, yet everything you put on you worry about. "Does it look good enough?" "Does to cling to the parts I don't like?" and so on. I feel that everyone worries,some more than others and some are better at hiding it than you or me. But what I'd love is to make you realise it's totally okay to be the worrier, because whoever you are, we all have our flaws.

I now try not to pick at myself when I realise I'm worrying, instead I try to push it to the. back of my mind and take some steps to help and calm myself down.

One day, we'll find a way to help ourselves, use our flaws to our advantage and we won't look back, wishing we had made a change because we'll know we have. So for me, I've decided I no longer want to be a worrier, instead I want to be a warrior. I want to gain strength and courage. I want to battle my worries like a warrior and be able to say "fuck you" every time I notice I'm starting to worry.

If you're a worrier like me, I challenge you to try and do the exact same thing. We can overcome anything as long as we give it our all and believe in ourselves. I personally do not care how long it may take to become a warrior, I know slowly and surly I'm becoming who I want to be. I'm here with you sharing stuff that maybe you don't see very often, but that's because I don't want anyone to ever feel certain way's that I have.

I share with you stuff that may help you or maybe it helps me, my only purpose is to stop you from feeling alone, in a world so big. To inspire you into doing something new, to relate to you, connect on a different level and share my story. Life can be tricky, no one has the perfect plan and sometimes I think reading or watching someone who's honest, truthful and not afraid to share the good and the bad can do a world of good - or that's my hope.

Once again, thank you for reading, for the support and for coming back. Of course I now have a YouTube channel where I'll continue to keep it lifestyle, I'd love your support over there too. Until next time, Amy.